The following is the first chapter of Rob’s newest book Unlocking Yourself:
We go through life trying to figure out what other people should do to change their lives. It is easier to do that than to look at our selves. It takes courage to look at us and address our own challenges and deep secrets. We all have past hurts and past thoughts that hold us back today. For me it is commitment in relationships. It is easier to walk away from past hurt and cover up the hurt with miles between us and lose communication. It is easier to blame the other person for my own decisions. I am the only one that makes the ultimate decisions in my life.
You are 50% of the process of how anything goes in a friendship or relationship. When we first meet other people we look for only the good in them. Then aftertime we loose focus on what attracted us to the person. We slowly look for everything that bothers us about that person. We start looking for things that annoy us instead of what we like about our mates or friends. We focus on what we don’t like and on things to be mad about towards our mates or friends. It is easier to look for faults in somebody rather than strengths. Everybody wants people to think and act in accordance with their ideas and philosophies.
Our ego keeps us judging, characterizing and categorizing people. People want people to fit into their mode of thinking about ideas, issues and philosophies. The ego always wants to make us think we are right about everything. You see somebody walking down the street wearing different clothes than you or talking with an accent and you immediately think discouraging thoughts about that person. September 11, 2001 is a good example how we think about a certain nationality of people with out really getting to know the person first. People love to draw conclusions before they get the answers.
Deciding to look at our own past hurts brings a new strength and enlightment to opening our heart to new beginnings. Our thought processes and issues of the past shape our thought processes and issues we have today. With the ego in control of your life you are kept focused on what is wrong in your life rather than all the good that can come into your life. By not addressing our past it keeps the future on hold. We focus on things we don’t want more than on the things we do want. Our true strengths are empowered by our learning processes from our past issues and past thoughts.
Our ego controls our lives by limiting our open mindedness to think unlimited thoughts. Our ego finds new and innovative ways to change our lives. Our ego likes to make us the victims. Our ego wants us to think we are more important than we really are. Our ego causes us to look at other people differently than us. Our ego makes us think that we are better than another person or to look down at other people. The ego is a protective mechanism we use to stay safe in our safe zone. Our ego keeps us safe and in the same thought processes that we have used all of our lives. Our ego creates limitations in our minds that make us think we can’t change our lives. Our own thought processes create our own limitations in our life.